‘GAYS UNDERMINING MARRIAGE’, SAYS PRESS RELEASE

April 10, 2011

The gay lobby continues to undermine the sacrosanct institution of marriage, according to a damning new report by a PR company.

Dichs&Lobley have made the report available to hungry journalists in the past week and are delighted with the coverage.

“We’re very pleased about the exposure we’re getting. We’ve been in the business for years and we know how to play the press. When we were offered a skip-full of cash to promote homophobia, covert racism and general intolerance towards minorities, we were delighted with the opportunity.”

PASSAGES

Commenting on the difficulties they had conveying complex ideas to a readership with the mental age of a dead monkey, chief executive of Dichs&Lobley, Tristram Dichs added,

“It very difficult to distil lots of material down to sizes that the average gutter journalist can accommodate. Large passages are usually disappointing and put punters off. Size is important, and knowing when to release: timing is everything.”

PROMISCUITY

Julian Gaggin, spokesgay for gay advocacy group Rings of Ire, says marriage has many benefits which shouldn’t be denied to gays and lesbians:

“For too long we’ve been denied the frisson of adultery. We have to make do with just old-fashioned promiscuity but marriage would open up a whole new world of excitement and moral degradation. Just think of the extra-marital affairs. Sex was starting to get dull for fags, and we’re tired of bareback sex with strangers. Even the monthly HIV test has lost its excitement. We want something new–we want marriage– and it’s a contravention of our rights to deny it.”

“We are also worried that the conservative press might tire of boring stories about cottaging and gay orgies. Gays are secretly worried that the tabs will move on to other outgroups. We’re terrified of the day we wake up and there’s not a single sensationalised story about dirty gays. If we don’t have the right to adultery then it will be Asians making middle England gag on its porridge.”

WICKEDNESS

Felony Milps, of Decent Ordinary Christians Keeping Institutions Not Gay, opined that gays are trying to ruin a millenia-old tradition which has its roots in the inviolable wisdom of some old books.

“There is lots of evidence that gays make bad parents. Marriage must be between a man and a woman because it is the normative coupling in nature and the only one which can produce children into a safe, loving home environment which in turn produces unquestioning Judeo-Christian traditionalists thereby ensuring that normal values are ensured and enshrined in society as they ought to be according to the traditional traditions which have been the bedrock of civilisation and are unalterable and not subject to scrutiny nor any meddling by devious multicultural relativistic liberals who regularly resort to the sneaky tactics like independent thought, reasoning, logic and the wickedness of empirical evidence.”

PUBESCENT

Ed Todgebury, Conservative MP for Girthing Frockett and Minister for Fairness, has been leading a campaign in the Commons to put an end to homosexual behaviour with the exception of elite private schools.

“It’s alright in the boarding school dorm but when one reaches school-leaving age one must no longer tumesce when one espies the exquisite globularity of a pubescent boy’s bottom.”


A not so atheistic Hitler…

September 17, 2010

It’s well known that atheism led to Nazism. Oops…


The moral regression of Melanie Phillips

May 6, 2010

I have read the journalistic nonsense of Melanie Phillips for some years and it continues to surprise me how she actually gets away with it. She is a big fish in the conservative movement but in a riposte to Jonathan Freedland she coyly denied this:

Jonathan justifies his attack by claiming that I have massive influence. Would that it were so! I remain, alas, merely one journalist trying to tell the truth as I see it. Jonathan can breathe easily again.

Whatever the scale of her influence in 2007, and it was big, her influence is indeed massive in 2010: Lecturing widely, contributing to Fox News, a Daily Mail column, blogging at the Spectator, writing for the Jewish Chronicle, appearing on Question Time and BBC 4’s Moral Maze, promoting books–that’s massive. Liberal-minded people must watch with horror as her influence expands and the rhetoric intensifies. This week alone has seen her launch a new book as well as having a cover story in the Spectator.

Her big theme (aside from the Middle East, a subject for another day), abundantly reinforced throughout her writing, is that atheism, rationalism and the like are bad and Judeo-Christian voodoo is actually authentic reason. This is an attempt by one journalist to rewrite three millenia of philosophy. All the brilliant philosophers have been wasting their brains since Christianity because Phillips has figured it all out. Read the rest of this entry »


SATAN’S FACE SEEN IN VOLCANO, EU IN CRISIS TALKS

April 16, 2010

Lucifer’s hideous visage has been seen in satellite imagery over Iceland, prompting fears that Armageddon is imminent. Satan can be clearly seen belching vile ash clouds in an attempt to disrupt aviation.

A crisis meeting of EU leaders was convened at Brussels. Top of the agenda was the motion that God should be written into a new EU constitution. All member states are expected to ratify it.

EU commission president Jose Manuel Barroso conceded that Europe had been heading in the wrong direction, “We have been too liberal. We have forgotten about God and now we are defenceless against Satan’s foul facial farts. We need to return to our churches. Islam must be eradicated. And we must punish gays, lesbians and atheists because God is clearly ignoring us for tolerating their obscenities.”

Leading theologians expect God to respond promptly should the EU meet its promises. Michael Lloyd of the Church of the Suffering Christ expects a speedy response from God, “From what we know, God is always ready to forgive. And he always responds very quickly to sincere pleas for mercy. I expect the ash cloud to disperse within minutes of the ratification of the new treaty.”

“Godless Europe has no defence against Satan, who can’t waft his noxious breath towards America because too many good Christians live there”, he added.

The markets also rallied after news of the new treaty, after one of the worst openings in months. One city trader expressed his relief at the news, “We’re just beginning to recover from the recession. Armageddon would be a dreadful setback now. I’m glad the EU has responded positively.”


Catholic primates

March 16, 2010

From The Irish Times:

Bishops unaware cardinal held Smyth inquiry

I am enjoying the demise of a controlling, immoral and inept cabal of half-wits.


Birth of a conspiracy theory

March 2, 2010

2009 was the year of the conspiracy theory. They continue to spawn, facilitated by the world-wide pleb. So I thought I’d have a go…

What’s often forgotten about the history of the Middle East is that it wasn’t always Jews and Christians against Moslems. When Moslems took over Jerusalem the Jews rejoiced because the Moslems allowed them to live as they were, whereas the Christians antagonised them. Christians always despised Jews since the Jews crucified Christ and Christianity was seen as superior to Judaism. Islam, on the other hand, arose independently and as such had no doctrinal bias against Judaism. In fact, the two were remarkably compatible and had shared values and culture.

If you were told ten years ago that a Moslem would be the president of the USA and his secretary of defense a Jew, you’d have laughed. We know Obama’s a Moslem because his middle name is Hussein and he attended a madrassa. His birth cert has never been revealed because it shows that he was born in Kenya, not Hawaii, to a Moslem father.

What will shock you is that this is too weird to be a coincidence. A Moslem and a Jew in control of the world’s largest military? You mean those sworn religious enemies?

Most of us have been duped by the myth that there is a war between Israel and Islam. It’s not your fault that you believe this to be the case–you have been brainwashed by years of propaganda purporting to show a real and grave concept. There isn’t one. If the Arab world wanted to wipe out Israel they would have done it years ago. So why didn’t they? Israel and the Islamists are actually conspiring together to destabilise the world in order to wipe out their mutual enemies. Read the rest of this entry »


Melanie Phillips on marriage, values, sex and bastards reloaded

January 26, 2010

Melanie Phillips reasserts her position on sex and marriage in The Daily Mail:

All the informal attitudes protecting marriage – taboos against sex outside marriage, illegitimacy, cohabitation – were similarly  struck down on the basis that nothing should interfere with the individual’s ‘right’ to do whatever he or she pleased.

The individual’s right to do what he or she pleases is the central tenet of what it means to be free. Phillips proposes a Judeo-Christian society in which freedom is conditional. She really does advocate here a society which would castigate people who don’t marry and especially those who practice the disgusting sin of unmarried sexual gratification:

This can’t be restored until marriage is properly supported by removing both incentives and approval for extramarital sexual relationships and by putting fault back into divorce.

This is the second time in two weeks that Phillips has hinted that the abolishment of the status of illegitimacy was lamentable, and that any sex outside of marriage is wrong. It is regrettable that one of the most intolerant, self-righteous and illogical commentators in the UK is drifting even further to the right.