Glad to see that Biffo and his mates have finally capitulated and realised that to better survive a spell in the financial penitentiary requires a delicate receptivity to the probing tumescence of one’s burly financial overlord cellmates. But Fianna Fail may not have realised that putting out for Bubba would be quite as circumferentially painful as a possible interest rate as large as 6.7 per cent. Lubeless love courtesy of the IMF.
Lucifer’s hideous visage has been seen in satellite imagery over Iceland, prompting fears that Armageddon is imminent. Satan can be clearly seen belching vile ash clouds in an attempt to disrupt aviation.
A crisis meeting of EU leaders was convened at Brussels. Top of the agenda was the motion that God should be written into a new EU constitution. All member states are expected to ratify it.
EU commission president Jose Manuel Barroso conceded that Europe had been heading in the wrong direction, “We have been too liberal. We have forgotten about God and now we are defenceless against Satan’s foul facial farts. We need to return to our churches. Islam must be eradicated. And we must punish gays, lesbians and atheists because God is clearly ignoring us for tolerating their obscenities.”
Leading theologians expect God to respond promptly should the EU meet its promises. Michael Lloyd of the Church of the Suffering Christ expects a speedy response from God, “From what we know, God is always ready to forgive. And he always responds very quickly to sincere pleas for mercy. I expect the ash cloud to disperse within minutes of the ratification of the new treaty.”
“Godless Europe has no defence against Satan, who can’t waft his noxious breath towards America because too many good Christians live there”, he added.
The markets also rallied after news of the new treaty, after one of the worst openings in months. One city trader expressed his relief at the news, “We’re just beginning to recover from the recession. Armageddon would be a dreadful setback now. I’m glad the EU has responded positively.”
A study has been published which lists one hundred reasons why the scientific case for anthropogenic global warming is no longer tenable. The new data will be seen as further evidence that the global climate is in fact stable or even entering a cooling period.
The study 100 Reasons why the ‘ Copenhagen ’ Governments and other proponents of “man-made” Global Warming theory of Climate Change are completely wrong appeared in the journal The Daily Express.
The author of the study, Jim McConalogue, a political analyst affiliated to the European Foundation, a Euro-sceptic think-tank, told The Express, “This demonstrates how tenuous, improper and indeed false the scientific and political claims are for man-made global warming.”
The study, originally published in the European Foundation’s peer-reviewed The European Journal, examines new data-sets previously thought to be unrelated to climate change. The study asks, “Why should politicians devote our scarce resources in a globally competitive world to a false and ill-defined problem, whilst ignoring the real problems the entire planet faces, such as: extreme poverty, hunger, disease or terrorism.”
McConalogue is an acclaimed climate expert best known for his seminal paper Ireland’s 100 Reasons to Vote ‘No’ to the Lisbon treaty.