Election limericks to help you through the weekend

Out canvassing in Rochdale town
An old bag started heckling Brown
But back in his motor
He berated the voter
Now his ratings are spiralling down

Nick Clegg and his liberal mates
Got a boost from a TV debate
But he said to the nation
“Not so bad, immigration”
Now the tabloids are all in a state

Dave and his cronies from Eton
Were taking a bit of a beatin’
But because of Brown’s capers
And the bile in the papers
Number ten Dave will soon be a-greetin’

SATAN’S FACE SEEN IN VOLCANO, EU IN CRISIS TALKS

Lucifer’s hideous visage has been seen in satellite imagery over Iceland, prompting fears that Armageddon is imminent. Satan can be clearly seen belching vile ash clouds in an attempt to disrupt aviation.

A crisis meeting of EU leaders was convened at Brussels. Top of the agenda was the motion that God should be written into a new EU constitution. All member states are expected to ratify it.

EU commission president Jose Manuel Barroso conceded that Europe had been heading in the wrong direction, “We have been too liberal. We have forgotten about God and now we are defenceless against Satan’s foul facial farts. We need to return to our churches. Islam must be eradicated. And we must punish gays, lesbians and atheists because God is clearly ignoring us for tolerating their obscenities.”

Leading theologians expect God to respond promptly should the EU meet its promises. Michael Lloyd of the Church of the Suffering Christ expects a speedy response from God, “From what we know, God is always ready to forgive. And he always responds very quickly to sincere pleas for mercy. I expect the ash cloud to disperse within minutes of the ratification of the new treaty.”

“Godless Europe has no defence against Satan, who can’t waft his noxious breath towards America because too many good Christians live there”, he added.

The markets also rallied after news of the new treaty, after one of the worst openings in months. One city trader expressed his relief at the news, “We’re just beginning to recover from the recession. Armageddon would be a dreadful setback now. I’m glad the EU has responded positively.”

Some comic relief…

Very funny post at Enemies of Reason. Christ it made me laugh:

Dr Who ‘not sexy enough’, says frustrated onanist