‘GAYS UNDERMINING MARRIAGE’, SAYS PRESS RELEASE

April 10, 2011

The gay lobby continues to undermine the sacrosanct institution of marriage, according to a damning new report by a PR company.

Dichs&Lobley have made the report available to hungry journalists in the past week and are delighted with the coverage.

“We’re very pleased about the exposure we’re getting. We’ve been in the business for years and we know how to play the press. When we were offered a skip-full of cash to promote homophobia, covert racism and general intolerance towards minorities, we were delighted with the opportunity.”

PASSAGES

Commenting on the difficulties they had conveying complex ideas to a readership with the mental age of a dead monkey, chief executive of Dichs&Lobley, Tristram Dichs added,

“It very difficult to distil lots of material down to sizes that the average gutter journalist can accommodate. Large passages are usually disappointing and put punters off. Size is important, and knowing when to release: timing is everything.”

PROMISCUITY

Julian Gaggin, spokesgay for gay advocacy group Rings of Ire, says marriage has many benefits which shouldn’t be denied to gays and lesbians:

“For too long we’ve been denied the frisson of adultery. We have to make do with just old-fashioned promiscuity but marriage would open up a whole new world of excitement and moral degradation. Just think of the extra-marital affairs. Sex was starting to get dull for fags, and we’re tired of bareback sex with strangers. Even the monthly HIV test has lost its excitement. We want something new–we want marriage– and it’s a contravention of our rights to deny it.”

“We are also worried that the conservative press might tire of boring stories about cottaging and gay orgies. Gays are secretly worried that the tabs will move on to other outgroups. We’re terrified of the day we wake up and there’s not a single sensationalised story about dirty gays. If we don’t have the right to adultery then it will be Asians making middle England gag on its porridge.”

WICKEDNESS

Felony Milps, of Decent Ordinary Christians Keeping Institutions Not Gay, opined that gays are trying to ruin a millenia-old tradition which has its roots in the inviolable wisdom of some old books.

“There is lots of evidence that gays make bad parents. Marriage must be between a man and a woman because it is the normative coupling in nature and the only one which can produce children into a safe, loving home environment which in turn produces unquestioning Judeo-Christian traditionalists thereby ensuring that normal values are ensured and enshrined in society as they ought to be according to the traditional traditions which have been the bedrock of civilisation and are unalterable and not subject to scrutiny nor any meddling by devious multicultural relativistic liberals who regularly resort to the sneaky tactics like independent thought, reasoning, logic and the wickedness of empirical evidence.”

PUBESCENT

Ed Todgebury, Conservative MP for Girthing Frockett and Minister for Fairness, has been leading a campaign in the Commons to put an end to homosexual behaviour with the exception of elite private schools.

“It’s alright in the boarding school dorm but when one reaches school-leaving age one must no longer tumesce when one espies the exquisite globularity of a pubescent boy’s bottom.”


The moral regression of Melanie Phillips

May 6, 2010

I have read the journalistic nonsense of Melanie Phillips for some years and it continues to surprise me how she actually gets away with it. She is a big fish in the conservative movement but in a riposte to Jonathan Freedland she coyly denied this:

Jonathan justifies his attack by claiming that I have massive influence. Would that it were so! I remain, alas, merely one journalist trying to tell the truth as I see it. Jonathan can breathe easily again.

Whatever the scale of her influence in 2007, and it was big, her influence is indeed massive in 2010: Lecturing widely, contributing to Fox News, a Daily Mail column, blogging at the Spectator, writing for the Jewish Chronicle, appearing on Question Time and BBC 4’s Moral Maze, promoting books–that’s massive. Liberal-minded people must watch with horror as her influence expands and the rhetoric intensifies. This week alone has seen her launch a new book as well as having a cover story in the Spectator.

Her big theme (aside from the Middle East, a subject for another day), abundantly reinforced throughout her writing, is that atheism, rationalism and the like are bad and Judeo-Christian voodoo is actually authentic reason. This is an attempt by one journalist to rewrite three millenia of philosophy. All the brilliant philosophers have been wasting their brains since Christianity because Phillips has figured it all out. Read the rest of this entry »


LEO MCKINSTRY BITCHSLAPPED BY COMMENTER

April 25, 2010

That turgid moraliser Leo McKinstry is blaming broken Britain on the welfare state again. This time he claims that most of the 2.7 million claimants of incapacity benefits are in fact jolly well able to work. Sometimes the skewering of a lying scarab like McKinstry is best left to people who know what they’re talking about. Below is a comment posted in response to his diatribe. MrGradgrind01, thanks.

.

IT’S NOT MORAL TO BULLY DISABLED PEOPLE! 22.04.10, 12:16pm

Mr McKinstry said: “Taking account of the 2.7million claimants of incapacity benefit – most of whom, according to the Government’s own findings, are perfectly capable of work” Which figures are these? According to the DWP’s latest figures, fraud in relation to Incapacity Benefit runs at only 1%. What the government and Freud have done is speculate about how many genuinely disabled people are capable of doing some form of work. They have used a very tough and unfair test that has resulted in this:

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/press_20100323

Example:

“A Wiltshire bureau reported that a client with Parkinson’s disease had both physical and cognitive difficulties. He went for a WCA and was found fit for work despite being unable to stand for longer than 10 minutes, a tendency to fall, deteriorating speech and concentration – he slurred his words and could not control saliva, and had very poor short term memory, with inability to recall conversations that happened a few hours previously. His mental health had also suffered because of his difficulties.”

Now, lets suppose that some GENUINELY disabled people are capable of some work. That doesn’t mean they are “work-shy.” They are limited in the jobs they can apply for and face widespread discrimination.

I am totally deaf, I have 3 A levels and a degree. I have been unemployed for a long time because nobody wants to employ deaf people. Stop picking on disabled people, Mr McKinstry.

• Posted by: MrGradgrind01Report Comment


SATAN’S FACE SEEN IN VOLCANO, EU IN CRISIS TALKS

April 16, 2010

Lucifer’s hideous visage has been seen in satellite imagery over Iceland, prompting fears that Armageddon is imminent. Satan can be clearly seen belching vile ash clouds in an attempt to disrupt aviation.

A crisis meeting of EU leaders was convened at Brussels. Top of the agenda was the motion that God should be written into a new EU constitution. All member states are expected to ratify it.

EU commission president Jose Manuel Barroso conceded that Europe had been heading in the wrong direction, “We have been too liberal. We have forgotten about God and now we are defenceless against Satan’s foul facial farts. We need to return to our churches. Islam must be eradicated. And we must punish gays, lesbians and atheists because God is clearly ignoring us for tolerating their obscenities.”

Leading theologians expect God to respond promptly should the EU meet its promises. Michael Lloyd of the Church of the Suffering Christ expects a speedy response from God, “From what we know, God is always ready to forgive. And he always responds very quickly to sincere pleas for mercy. I expect the ash cloud to disperse within minutes of the ratification of the new treaty.”

“Godless Europe has no defence against Satan, who can’t waft his noxious breath towards America because too many good Christians live there”, he added.

The markets also rallied after news of the new treaty, after one of the worst openings in months. One city trader expressed his relief at the news, “We’re just beginning to recover from the recession. Armageddon would be a dreadful setback now. I’m glad the EU has responded positively.”


The Sunday Express: Families, filth and the BBC

March 28, 2010

Families, filth, BBC

Exemplary moral panic today in the Express.

Kids are watching post-watershed content on the internet websites of ‘most’ of the terrestrial channels, not just the BBC. But a tabloid must never miss an opportunity to malign the BBC, and what a delightful semantic conjunction for a tabloid’s front page: BBC=’FILTH’. The ideal triad of elements in any good moral panic are all present: The wondrous family, the sinister values that threaten it (filth), and the ones responsible for it (the beeb).

Dredging the sludge of a tabloid cover story like this will always reveal the hidden hand of some pressure group or other, and today’s hand eagerly manipulating the willing tabloid puppet is Mediawatch. You know, the one founded by Mary Whitehouse CBE, champion of decency.

Only wanton disingenuousness or dismal naiveté can explain why the moral outrage confabulator has been cranked up for a ‘story’ about kids watching grown-up terrestrial programming on the internet. At least all this content will be filtered by the censor board and not contain stuff like, um, violent pornography.

Are the bunny brains of the moral crusaders unable to comprehend the reality that most kids will have seen wildly explicit sex and violence on the internet? And have they not bothered to educate themselves that all these programmes (and so much more) are readily accessible on third-party websites for free?

Like so many newspapers the Express survives by dispensing with the costly business of journalism. Much cheaper to run as a kind of bullshit agglomerator, transmogrifying pressure group PR into a ready-made news agenda.

And we won’t mention the salaciousness of some of Richard Desmond’s other publications.


The Daily Mail: Cropping for decency

March 27, 2010

Some guy has allegedly posted indecent pictures of Peaches Geldof. Or some guy has posted allegedly indecent pictures of Peaches Geldof. It’s also alleged that she was on heroin. Who knows? Who cares? Of course the Mail has gone and done the decent thing by drawing its readers’ attention to another salacious story, because human breasts are so indecent.

Here are some more indecencies from Mailonline’s Sidebar of Sin:

The Daily Mail: a pious choirboy who likes to spy on his sisters undressing.


Catholic primates

March 16, 2010

From The Irish Times:

Bishops unaware cardinal held Smyth inquiry

I am enjoying the demise of a controlling, immoral and inept cabal of half-wits.